XVIII.

Shaw, also known as the Elf Piercer, packed his weapons: two long chains with meat hooks on the ends of them. It had been a long time since they’d tasted some meat. It was going to be a good day.

It had also been a while since Shaw was called for an assignment. He had usually been reserved for only the most dangerous missions because he had the tendency to go overboard. From what he was told about the target, Shaw knew that going overboard might just be what was necessary.

Shaw looked at himself in the mirror. “Hell yeah,” he said. He closed his eyes and teleported to the location Aleph had specified.

He arrived instantly to find Aleph and Gimel waiting for him.

Shaw nodded at the two of them.

Aleph said, “It’s been a while since I’ve required the skills of the Elf Piercer.”

“No one really calls me that anymore,” Shaw said. “It’s a pretty stupid nickname.”

Gimel gestured toward Shaw’s weapons. “I think it’s well-deserved.”

“No one asked you,” Shaw said.

“I’m just saying. You’re the only elf to ever—”

“Shut the hell up, Gimel!” Aleph said. “We’re here to take care of business, not discuss ancient history.”

Gimel shrugged. “Whatever. Let’s do this.”

Aleph looked at Shaw. “You ready?”

“Yeah.”

Gimel cocked his guns. He put on the glove he reserved for special jobs: a glove made out of bone and shaped like a monstrous penis. Those elves in Tokyo sure knew how to construct a weapon of torture.

Shaw, the Elf Piercer, grabbed a chain with each hand and pulled them off his belt. The hooks were newly sharpened and shined in the moonlight. “I can’t wait to get my hooks wet,” he said. “Nice and wet.”

Aleph looked at the other two and was glad he had them on his side. In recent months, the Elves of Fuck had gone through quite a bit of downsizing due to the economy. The company simply could not afford to have as many elves on the payroll as in the past and the elves that were on the payroll were paid on a job-to-job basis. The concept of salary-elves was gone.

Though not as creatively armed as Gimel or Shaw, Aleph had a weapon that had proved its worth over the years: the actual sword used by Saturnalia at the Battle of Xaman. The sword, crafted out of black elephant bone, was taller than Aleph but he could wield the weapon like a master swordsman.

“Gimel, you take the back. Shaw, you have the side that’s facing us. I’ll come through the front,” Aleph said.

“Are we teleporting in or what?” Gimel said.

“Yeah. We need the element of surprise. Dali couldn’t teleport and maybe that’s why they were able to get him. I’ll be honest with you. There’s something weird about that house so I can’t promise you what’s going to happen in there. So let’s get ready. On the count of three we go.” He closed his eyes.

“One.”

Shaw closed his eyes.

“Two.”

Gimel closed his eyes.

“Three.”

All three elves disappeared in flashes of light.